Emotional Regulation for Urge Reduction - A Few Suggestions

Mindfulness

Many people struggling with unwanted sexual behaviour or sexual compulsivity can say that their sexuality has gone out of control but it is often their thoughts that have gone out of control. The antidote to stop our thoughts from getting out of control is paradoxically to try to stop controlling them by practising mindful observation. Mindfulness is popular now. There are many apps that are helpful to guide you, such as Headspace or Calm. I do caution that the point of taking up mindfulness is for emotional regulation not to become mindfulness masters. If you're interested in pursuing a full mindfulness programme, that's great but it's not essential for emotional regulation.

Soothing Object

It can be helpful to identify an object that you can easily carry around with you at all times so that you can touch it in moments of strong urges. It might be a pendant, a ring, a stress ball in your pocket, or the image of something or someone on your phone that you associate with calm, joy, or well-being. By making contact with that object the emotional energy hopefully changes and the urge can reduce and disappear.

Muscle Toning

This is a good technique when urges are so strong that it is almost impossible to think! Clenching fists tightly while counting to five and releasing slowly and counting back to one is a simple technique that helps get us back into the here and now and thus reduce urges. If you're at your desk and you don't want to be seen doing this fist clenching, you can do the same with your feet, feeling the muscles involved in these movements.

Meaningful Interests and Passionate Engagement

Meaningful interests and passionate engagements help us to connect with ourselves. Sometimes people say, "I used to have a hobby but I haven't done it in years." In this case there's no need to look further. Just ask yourself, "What would it be like to reconnect with that lost hobby?" You can reconnect with a part of yourself that you like and where you can find some joy and passion. It may be you need to give yourself permission to do something you've always wanted to do but never taken the time to do. Having compelling interests and passionate engagement can help bring meaning to one's life. Compulsivity doesn't survive well in meaning. The more you can find meaning in your life, the less compulsivity you will feel.